I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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