I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Ketchup is God's man juice
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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