she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
