I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
