I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
