I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Come on in and take your pants off
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