it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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