Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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