Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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