bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
