at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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