dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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