There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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