Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
