All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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