I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
