just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
