I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
