Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
