I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
