he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
