Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
