she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
