you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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