I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
i need some magic done to my vagina
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
