Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
this will be a night to untag.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
