Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just blew my weed a kiss
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
