Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
