I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize