Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
