best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
