He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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