I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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