she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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