I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
