grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize