i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
