People with herpes should wear stickers.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Randomize
