my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
