I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
