ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Well I just put wine in my tea
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
