Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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