My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
