I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
you inspire me to be a worse person
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
