Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
