I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
