I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
