Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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