I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
