My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
