Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
