guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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