I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
