the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
