there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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