On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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