somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
