Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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