Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
