I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
