i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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