Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
