So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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