i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
