What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
