You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
