I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
