Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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