I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
