My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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