I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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