I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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