Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
