AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I need a beard to bite.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
