You just made me feel so damn special
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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