You're my little dorito
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
