Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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