They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
