Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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