my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
MIDGETS
????
I'm sobbing to NWA
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
